Hello from one extremely happy & exhausted camper!

For those 125 new readers since just last Sunday (🤯), welcome to Slayin’ The Sunday Scaries - a newsletter typically landing in your inbox Sunday evening full of personal reflections from me paired with tips to make Mondays (and every work day) a bit less scary and a lot more fulfilling. I’m sending this edition late this week because although my heart is whole, my body is slightly broken & so exhausted from the weekend - summer camp just hits differently in your 30s!

That’s right - CAMP! I joined ~200 other women, most of whom arrived like me - without knowing a single person, a few hours outside of NYC in Starlight, Pennsylvania for an unplugged weekend of connection & fun at Camp Social.

Without the habit of scrolling and the security of familiar faces, this weekend forced many of us outside of our comfort zone in a wonderful way - arriving as total strangers and leaving as friends. As I navigated the weekend and met these incredible women, I couldn’t help but notice* that we can learn lessons from building authentic & fulfilling careers based on how we build adult friendships.

So let’s dig in…**

Clarify 💡

After a sweaty start with a temperamental bus air conditioner and some Friday afternoon standstill traffic, we arrived at camp a bit hotter & later than expected. Nonetheless, spirits were high as we grabbed our bags and gathered in a circle around the flag pole for our first Line Up - a ritual we would come back to at the start of every new activity to listen & learn about what was to come. In a circle full of ambitious list-making women, Line Up immediately became a comfort - filling in the gaps of uncertainty for a weekend that otherwise was a bit mysterious. Before arriving at Camp, we didn’t know where we’d be sleeping or what activities we’d be doing - forcing us to accept things more in the moment rather than take comfort in the control of pre-planning.

At first Line Up, we played a game where you would run into the circle if you shared identity quality called out - I ran into the circle for the following:

• pet owner

• traveler to more than 5 countries

• entrepreneur

• musician

• someone who prefers a beach vacation

• someone that grew up going to summer sleepaway camp

What struck me at that moment was two-fold:

1. I had a LOT in common with these women - I stayed in the circle for almost everything called out!

2. Almost none of the qualities called out were related to jobs & career

   how refreshing to begin the weekend spending time with strangers that mostly live in and around New York City and NOT feel the need to lead conversations with ‘what do you do for work?’

This exercise to kickoff camp reminded me that I see tremendous growth in myself and my clients when there’s an active choice every day to abandon work as a core quality that defines identity.

It’s easy & fairly natural for work to consume identity when your career is going well and feels on track. For years I described myself as an early-stage tech startup operator & product builder. Then I found myself unemployed for close to 6 months in 2020 and could no longer lead with what I did for work because I wasn’t working. In that time, interviewing 101 times and attempting to make friends in a city fully locked down by the pandemic, I had a lot of time and space to reflect on who I am outside of what I do.

Although we’re no longer thankfully in lockdown and I feel more confident in my career, I still carve out space to think about what qualities of myself I want to lead with in forming new relationships.

And no matter where you fall on the spectrum of unemployed to completely fulfilled in your career, I recommend making some space to think about the following - whether it’s 10 minutes of journaling or a conversation with a trusted friend - reflect on the following:

Who am I as a person outside of the work I do?

What can I ask new people I meet to find commonality besides the old & tired ‘What do you do?’?

I recommend revisiting these questions every few months to see what new ideas emerge and to hold yourself accountable in leading conversations with these non-career qualities and conversation starters.

You’ll be amazed how richer & more multidimensional your conversations and relationships will begin to be - I certainly saw that come to life this weekend.

After lineup we settled into our bunks, enjoyed cocktail hour by the lake and a delicious cookout followed by games and great conversation late into the night - despite all being tired from our travels. That Friday evening, I spoke with a documentary filmmaker turned multimedia artist, an attorney, a private plane flight attendant, a technical program manager, and an astrologist - just to name a few. These wide-ranging careers eventually came up but they didn’t lead the dialogue - they trickled out over hours of games and conversations built on true commonalities.

Because these women, and you, are so much more than your work.

Connect 🤝

Saturday felt like a week in one day in the best possible way! Despite many of us not sharing a room on smaller than twin size ‘mattresses’ made for children in years, if ever, there was a buzz of excitement as morning activities kicked off. From HIIT workouts to cooking classes to sound baths, there were options for everyone, all before breakfast at 9 AM. From then on, we transitioned from Line Up to our assigned activities with the flexibility to swap or skip entirely, reminding us that we are adults with free will, not children, choosing to spend our own time & money at summer camp for a weekend.

As I hiked on a nature walk to a beautiful waterfall, learned the rules and fundamentals of pickleball (I get the hype now!), and spent time with Camp Founder, Liv Schreiber, in her inspirational session - I was reminded that however fun the activity was (and it was all SO fun), the magic truly was in the people I met. We had real vulnerable conversations right away skipping the surface-level small talk that makes most of us not want to expend the energy in meeting new people. In those real conversations, a few themes around why people came to camp emerged. Most women I talked to came to camp, like myself, alone to meet new friends because despite knowing people in the city, they felt alone or stuck in relationships they’ve outgrown.

They were seeking friendship that:

1. Celebrated them for their true authentic self - many expressed that they felt like their current friendships are rooted in a past version of themselves - not who they are evolving into.

2. Was NOT controlling & micromanaging - so many women had stories of former ‘best friends’ that exhibited truly dependent and controlling behavior and the realization that as adults, our needs and ideas of friendship evolve. Individualization should be celebrated, not condemned.

3. Growth-minded - I was struck with how everyone I met seemed to be in pursuit of bettering themselves and acutely aware of how important it is to surround yourself with people who desire the same.

   This summer, I’ve spoken to over sixty people in my complimentary intro calls helping them gain clarity and write down exactly what they want in their next role. The most common ‘must haves’ that come out of these conversations include:

   Celebration of who you truly are

   NOT micro-managing

   Opportunity for and culture of growth & development

   To me, it’s no surprise that the qualities many look for in new adult friendships match what people are looking for in their next role. It all circles around feeling valued with room to grow as you change and evolve.

   If you don’t feel clear on what you’re looking for professionally or would like a partner in reaching that next role

   Book a complimentary intro with me

   If you’re having a hard time finding time soon on my calendar, just reply back to this email with why you’d like to meet and your schedule availability for the next two weeks - I’ll see what I can do 📧

Confidently Communicate 🗣️

We closed out Saturday afternoon with a surprise activity: Olympic Games. As we competed in large-scale rock-paper-scissor challenges, a balloon toss, the largest relay I’ve ever seen executed and a decisive tug-of-war match - I looked around and saw just how much pure joy and fun a few hours of good ole’ fashioned competitive play can generate. Especially when my team wins it all and rushes into the lake at the end 🙂 

But with a different crowd - those activities and, truly, the whole weekend would have been a flop. A different group of girls would have been lost without their hair straighteners and pillowtop mattresses, others would be apathetic about the competition and another crowd would have found the energy, the random dance breaks and all the positivity just really annoying.

But we didn’t - we collectively joined in, said yes and thrived because of who we are as people but also because of the founder Liv’s strong and clear personal brand. You know what you’re getting with Liv - she’s a master communicator, primarily through her social media, and because of that she attracts people who match her optimism and friendliness - although never her energy, no one can EVER match that.

The same goes with your career - especially when you’re job searching. Your personal brand - how you show up on your resume, LinkedIn, interviews and in person every day - directly impacts what opportunities you attract.

The stronger your personal brand - the easier and more aligned your job search will be. But many don’t know where to start. If that’s you, let’s chat!

We capped off Saturday with a lakeside cocktail hour, sunset cruises on the lake, an exquisite farm-to-table dinner and campfire with smores. We began Sunday morning with a final workout class, breakfast & Line Up before our goodbyes.

We returned to the city yesterday tired but not nearly sad as the last day of camp was as a kid - because we’re adults and most live closeby.

We began the weekend strangers - now we’re friends and have plans already to see each other soon.

I’m thankful for the friendships made & hope you found the transferable lessons helpful as you begin your week!

Until next Sunday,

Jess Storiale

*my Carrie Bradshaw keeps creeping in - I think at this point we get used to it